Work at accepting, not changing, the Protector. Steadiness, ability to defer, adaptability, empathy, genuine support and caring, and ability to set slower pace and provide a counterbalance to active energy. Positivity and support, open-heartedness, responsiveness, genuine caring, generosity, and sensitivity to others. Hence, it is skewed toward the more common types 9s and 6s. Practice grounding self in the present moment — really listening to each other. Bring more positive thinking and pleasures into the relationship.
You know that the world is quick to take advantage of anyone who does not stand up for him or herself. We do not pick our perfect match because we ourselves are not perfect. This pattern can devolve further into angry fighting, flight on the part of the Epicure, and disdain on the part of the Protector, which may disrupt and even end the relationship. Eights love challenges and will embody a need for justice which enables them to protect others. And both can fall into angry withdrawal and inaction.
Givers in stress become more direct and forceful, readily expressing anger. When Performers push ahead, somewhat blind to potential hazards and what can go wrong, Loyal Skeptics can react with caution and contrary thinking about pitfalls and worst case scenarios. Create balance with the other two centers of intelligence — the heart and head — and encourage the Protector to do likewise. Work on grounded presence in order to open the heart realizing you will be nurtured not drained of energy. To support their growth: Support Fours in achieving emotional balance and staying on track. Self-control, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, their striving for improvement, practicality, industry, attention to detail and ordinary life tasks. To us, it's either the boy who cried wolf or completely blown out of proportion.
This sometimes necessitates that the Eight opt out of the system entirely, assuming something of an outlaw mentality. Take their authority for granted - queen or king of all they survey. May be gentle, kind-hearted, quieter. I am no where near a professional and the writer of this post is much more likely to give you a better and more in depth answer here. Somatic patterns: Fours tend to swing from contact to withdrawal, from having lots of feelings that spill out into the environment to becoming resigned and depressed.
In this case, the One program continues to stress me out and my relationship too. Loyalty, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, vivid imagination, sense of humor, and questioning mind. The mind of an Eight moves towards their own goals and needs more so than those of other people. In addition, the closer a type is to the ones listed, the better you will get along with them. This is a community for discussion of the Enneagram and related topics.
Insight: We can see from the diagram that a way to help break the control of the basic fear is to weaken the unhealthy loop. The Enneagram personality system is regarded as one of the best tools to understanding people with the use 9 behavioral patterns relating to various aspects in life, such as relationships. A cycle of escalating conflict can occur with the Romantic becoming more demanding and self-focused and the Observer more retracted and detached from feeling. To seek approval, they can alter themselves to fit whatever image is required. State what actually is needed and desired. I put tasks completely over relationships and feel pretty empty when it comes to emotions.
Work on developing receptive force of simply being present in the moment. Which types fit best with which other types? Generally, they do well with partners who would support them on their passion and desires in life. The two people will not understand each other enough to continue. Eights grow by recognizing that more can be accomplished through cooperation and partnership than they can do by themselves or by constantly struggling to impose their will on others. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 5, the Observer Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Observers support each other in work projects and shared activities.
My sister is a Type 4 and she likes talking with my mother, a Type 6, because my mother can relate to and understand that emotional side. However, partners should remember that these individuals have a very sensitive heart, though they do not realize how frightening or forceful they may appear to other people. In contrast, Romantics are inner-directed and self-referencing, thus focusing on their own specialness, authenticity or sense of feeling deficient or melancholy. Optimism, caring through doing, sustained focus on goals, positive go-ahead energy, and support for achievements. Recognize and work with the polarity in the two types.
A cycle of escalating conflict can ensue if the Mediator responds by feeling deficient and digs in, becoming stubborn and resistive. I've never dated a 6 or 9 that I know of. A cycle of increasing conflict can ensue as neither one tends to view himself or herself as causing the distress. To us, it's either the boy who cried wolf or completely blown out of proportion. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 7, the Epicure Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Epicures are opposite types in many ways. The more information they have about progress, updates and what is going on, the more the Eight is able to focus on the bigger picture. You also need someone who acknowledges and sees your vulnerable, tender side.